Life after initiation
by Booksil
Summary: A year after the war, Tris is training initiates alongside Tobias. She tries to cope with the hardships she never knew would come with her chosen faction. But as each day goes on she feels even more at home.
1. Chapter 1

I am going to fall.

Walking towards the center of the room I can almost feel my knees buckling. I can see myself flushing bright red from embarrassment. I grip my hands into fists as to stop my shaking but instead of muting it, t just courses through the rest of my body. Astonishingly I find myself standing where I'm supposed to and not major ego-crushing accidents have occurred.

Staring out over the audience I can almost see my face blanch in horror.

I've literally come back from the dead and, yet I'm terrified to talk to people from my own city, my own faction. A laugh bubbles inside my stomach but before it reaches my lips I swallow it back. I take a deep breath, looking over to see Tobias gleaming proudly at me.

The blood in my body turns to pure adrenaline.

"Factions do not define you. That is what I want everyone to know." I stare at the crowd, some people's faces are plastered in awe at the Divergent who came home from the dead, some look at me with almost bored expressions while my friends have almost manic smiles on their faces, "There was a time where I felt I didn't belong anywhere; when I felt that I was too abnormal for any of the factions; where I felt my differences is what would define me and would lead to my death. But now, I've never felt prouder of my differences.

"Yes. Factions may not be the most humane way of living, but it is the way we have lived and survived. I cannot stand here and say that our society is perfect. Because it is far from it. People among us have butchered and slaughters us out of the greed for power. While others have been too weak to act.

"We may all be in different factions but together we are one family. We are the foundation of a new and better world. We are the definition of hope. You are the definition of hope.

"So, know; your choice does not define you. Because each and every one of us is Divergent. There is not one Erudite out there who hasn't wanted to experience the thrill of jumping off a moving train or feel the joy of helping others. And if you tell me I'm wrong. Well, you're lying to yourself.

"Factions do not define you. Your choices do.

"Thank you."

Usually, all the noise comes from Dauntless alone, and yes, they are the only ones who cheer but each faction builds the same level of applause.

Walking back to my seat, I feel almost giddy with joy and want to throw my arms around all my friends and never let go. I almost feel like crying.

As soon as I'm mere feet away from the Dauntless section, Tobias gathers me in his arms and holds on so tight breaths difficult. But I just wrap my hands around him and feel the light kisses he leaves upon my skull.

Once the crowd has settled and I'm sitting back in my seat- still receiving pats on the beck and a few people ruffling my hair- a faint ache in my chest wishes my father was here to have seen me.

No Abnegation transfers.

Tobias and I lead the group of Dauntless as we plummet down the Hub stairs. Although we're inside and there's barely any wind, I feel the rush against my skin. Our faction crashes through the front doors and we sprint towards the train tracks. I wind pushes against me, raising goosebumps on my arms and I begin to cheer alongside my factions. Whoops, and hollers are heard all around me while we race down the polished streets.

I am free. Feeling the ground beneath my feet and feeling the impact course through my body I feel myself wanting to keep running. Run until I cannot any longer until my body finally gives up.

My arms pump at my sides stands of hair billow in the wind as all around me, Dauntless turn into a clump of adrenaline.

I faintly see the lights of the train just as I stop running, gathering breath. I am still not as fit as I once was.

The train is here before I realize, and I sprint to catch up with the others, fraction-transfers scrambling behind me. Ahead of me, Tobias throes himself into the train car and immediately I try to follow suit. He turns back, a small smile suddenly playing on his lips, then he offers his hand to me, "I'm good." The words a wheeze through my lips.

"I know," He calls over the wind. I am surprised he heard me as I barely hear him.

He goes for my hands and yanks me onto the car, and for a moment we're suspended in mid-air, as the tracks scoop high above the ground. From this close, his deep blue eyes look black and like if I looked too closely I'd fall and never stop.

From inside the car, a cat-call rings through the ears- obviously Zeke. Tobias doesn't immediately let go, I wonder if he's thinking the same as me; if he lets go, will he get me back? He winks, throwing me first to the side. At least I land easily on my feet.

Luckily all the initiates managed the first task to get onto the train. I faintly remember the boy who didn't manage my initiation year and for some odd reason, my smile turns slightly sad. Tobias nudges me before I can get swallowed by my thoughts, drawing my attention. Just as he raises his eyebrows, I get the message and clear my throat, "Initiates," my voice is solid, a voice I haven't heard in years and out of the corner of my eye I see a smile quirk the corner of Tobias' lips, "By now you know that initiations different to the fact that you aren't cut after the ranking but you're out after three strikes. After your third strike, you're out." I look around at the faces around me, most nervous apart from a Candor girl at the back of the cart who smirks with her eyes as well as her mouth. "Got something to say Candor?"

The group of initiates splits to reveal the short Candor girl in the back, her white blazer marked with dirt as she slumps against unused boxes. An ugly snort, and a lick of her lips and she's walking towards me. "Don't act smug. We all know who you are; Beatrice and you are just a little girl attempting to find her life after ruining-"

I throw her out the cart. Her palm slips down my arm whilst she dangles out the car, "Hold yourself up by the handles and stay until we get to the low ground. Or don't and get out of Dauntless."

A pained grunt escapes her, and all smugness is gone. I feel all the initiates eyes on us, sharp whispers all around me. She grabs the cart, and I picture Christina dangling over the chasm, the river spraying up her ankles and Al's selfless encouraging. But no one cheers her on, not even the full fledges Dauntless milled around the train.

The wind snaps the hair against my face and to my left, I see the glass building. Heads poke out of the other carts and to my right is Uriah, his snarky grin reflecting on mine. He winks and ducks his head back into the train. The ground comes closer and soon her legs will be crushed with the speed and pressure.

The Candors fingers turn to an even paler shade of white and her vibrant red hair falls from her ponytail, stands of hair getting caught in her mouth and across her eyes. I debate whether to leave her as she reminds me of my old fellow-initiate, Molly. But I don't. I grab her hands which are wet with sweat and casually chuck her into the cart, just at Tobias' feet.

All you can hear in the cart is the dense wind and my feet across the ground. I bend down but speak loud enough for everyone to hear, "What's your name Candor?"

She swallows, her neck bobbing up and down. As she tucks her hair behind her ears and stares up at me through thick, untamed eyebrows, "Ella"

"Well Ella, if I wanted to put up with Candor smart-mouths, I would have joined their faction," I hiss, flicking my eyes up to Tobias for a split second and he's staring back but with a hard stare. Other people wouldn't see the threat of a smile on his face, "The first thing you'll learn from me is to keep your mouth shut. Got it?"

She nods just as we get to the time we jump. I leave her on the ground, turning to lean out the open door. In front of me, Dauntless of all ages begins jumping and cheers course through the carts. "Let's go," Tobias says, almost like a snarl. He takes a few steps back and I watch the initiates watch in awe as he lands smoothly.

"If you don't jump, have fun getting a good rank," I follow suit, giving Ella a bitter smile before I fling myself out the cart and almost land at the exact same time as Uriah. He runs up to me, throws me over his shoulders and thunders through the crowd. A feminine squeal erupts from my throat. I swat at his back which sends his laughing fit into a coughing one. He drops me after I kick him in the ribs and I stumble slightly, a laugh tearing at my stomach.

At the edge of the roof, Tobias yells for me. Someone fell.


	2. Chapter 2

I dart across the roof, grit ripping at the soles of my trainers. I'm at the side of the roof in seconds, staring at the broken body. A stone drops in my stomach and nausea over comes me. A can hear someone screaming behind me and I imagine the boys body as the girls from my initiation two years ago. I only allow myself three seconds of pain.

 _One_.

I see the boys' eyes open but I can't tell what color they are.

 _Two._

I close my eyes to shield myself from the memory of my Choosing Ceremony

 _Three._

I open my eyes, swallow the lump in my throat and walk away from the ledge.

I walk past a Candor initiate gripping the arms of an Erudite girl. I see his lips move but I can't hear what he's saying. I glance at the other initiates who stare wide-eyed, "This isn't the first time. It won't be the last either." I signal for them to follow me towards the whole into the Dauntless compound, "Come on."  
Tobias is already there, and he barely registers any emotion, reminding me to remove any from my face. I stand up on the ledge beside him, my hands stick onto the stone as I push myself up. The wind whips my hair around in its ponytail and goose-bumps trail up my arms. The exposed skin of my neck chills with the air and the group before me crowds around us.

I take in the numbers of transfers, pinpointing them by their different colored clothing; five Candor, including the smug redhead, Ella, and five Erudite- originally six. I see the divide almost immediately between transfers and Dauntless-born, they all stand in clumps of their original faction which somehow riles my anger. I begin to scowl.

"No Stiffs." Eric barges through the crowd, no politeness whatsoever, I even see him foot land straight on a small Dauntless whose lips purse in pain. Behind him, Max walks with a holster strapped to his side which isn't even concealed by his leather jacket. I can only guess he was dealing with the fallen Erudite; merely a distraction to him and not a loss of life. The piercing on his lips separates with his grin, eyeing the crow with starvation, like a predator eyeing his prey.

I bite back a spiteful remark which would in no doubt probably end up with a bullet in my shoulder. Instead, I degrade my old faction, "Most Stiffs are too weak and selfless to transfer." I spit, watching the Dauntless leader pace and thrust his face too close to the initiates than is acceptable. The Erudite in him gleams as he examines his new playthings.

At that he turns to me, his hair greasy in the light and his eyes like lifeless voids, he winks. Bile enters my throat. I swallow. "But not in your case _Bea_ -"

"The only way to enter Dauntless is through here." I release my relief in a breath, and look to Tobias, unclenching my hands and teeth. My palm stings a little.

Beside me, _Four_ is pointing to the hole behind us. In the corner of my eye, I see the height for the first time since my Choosing Day. We wait in anticipation for the common question, usually from the Erudite. "What's at the bottom?" At the back of the crowd, a unnaturally tall Candor commands all attention as he saunters forward, just as Eric did, pushing his fellow initiates out the way. "Is it like water or something?"

"Guess you'll have to find out yourself," I say, hopping from the ledge to give him room. He immediately shrinks back, ducking his head so I can see the top of a blonde bun. Eric shoves him forward, he stumbles a little that I must dodge out his way.

He grips the ledge so hard his knuckles blanch of color. He swallows, so skinny his Adam's apple protrudes too much so I practically see his cartilage in the movement. "Come on," I coax, groaning, "Don't tell me you're afraid of heights?"

"No," He doesn't turn to look at me, just awkwardly climbs onto the ledge, but I see the tremor in his legs and the darting of his eyes.

"You're Candor." I state, walking slowly towards him, readying myself to pounce, "You're not meant to lie."

I didn't notice how green his eyes are until he finally looks at me, a new kind of confidence in them. "I was _Candor_."

"Good."

I lunge towards him and push him off the edge, but as he plummets down he begins to laugh, an inhumane howl coming from him until he's plunged into darkness. I laugh and climb up where he stood moments ago. Eric's laughing alongside Max, looking at me in a way where I feel vulnerable. Tobias has one corner of his lips turned. "I'll meet you down there."

I step off the ledge like I'm walking downstairs.

I scream, but not in fear, with joy and adrenaline pumping through my veins. The air rushes up my top and reveals the new tattoo I got just under my bra. Although I cut my hair short not long ago it's still long enough to nip my face. Water jumps into my eyes.

I land on the net within seconds of landing. Cheers erupt around me and I hook my hands in the gaps of the net, looking up at the clear sky above. The hysterical laugh comes and I cherish this feeling; freedom. I feel free and I feel alive.

To my left the net dips and Uriah doesn't just extend his hand but grabs me by my waist and drags me from the net. The rope slightly burns my arms, but I don't fully register. "I at least expected you to jump first Six." He jokes, hauling me off the net. My knees almost buckle as he thumps me on the ground. I keep forgetting how strong he really is.

He opens his mouth to say something more but is interrupted by a feminize screech and the wail of Dauntless cheers. The Dauntless-born initiate is the one Eric stood on. Her hair encompasses her, turning from an obsidian black to a dark green at the tips. She rolls across the net and Uriah's already there to get her down. He sets her down deftly, gently patting her on the back, sending her to me.

"Your name?" I've seen her around before, running up the Pit ledges barefoot at night and throwing knives at paintballs in one of the training rooms.

Behind me, the cavern is full to the brim with Dauntless of all ages and genders, different hair colors and tattoos. Different identities. Their yowling and cheering have become my new kind of rhythm; replacing the steady beat of Abnegation feet on stairs.

"Jazz," She swallows, looking down at me. Like most people in my faction, she's taller than me, but not by much. But I can still feel the command I have over her, I get to aid in the choice if she stays or not.

"Second jumper; Jazz!" I call, my voice as powerful as ever, bouncing off the towering walls of the cavern with fades off into darkness.

I turn to her and smile, "Well Jazz." I point to where the Candor boy stands; next to a board where his name already is and the place of when he jumped- _Jason, 1_ _st_ _Jumper_. Jazz's name appears seconds later with 2nd Jumper next to it, "Welcome to Dauntless."

Simultaneously, another initiate drops into the Dauntless compound, opening another chapter in their lives just as doing the same did to mine. Hopefully their story won't end in the rundown streets of the factionless sector.


	3. Chapter 3

"Dauntless-born, you come with me and Uriah." Lauren beckons the large group of initiates clad in black. Their excitement bounces off each other, unlike the transfers who stand practically cowering against one another. As the last trickle of Dauntless-born disappears, Tobias talks over the clamor of Dauntless leave the cavern, "Since you've never been to the compound before, Tris and I are going to be taking you on a tour."

"Follow me," I sidestep Tobias and take the lead of the group, walking down the halls where the lights fade into darkness but light up again. I look over my shoulder a few times to see Tobias staring at me, a smile playing at the corner of his lips.

I try to guess which transfers are Divergent. Although Divergent is an accepted term after the war I still like to see who's like me.

We turn the corner into the Pit and the transfers eyes glow in the dim. "This is the Pit. The center of life here at Dauntless."

The roar of the river grows the closer we get to it. For the first time, I notice the parts of the railings that bend with rust and the silver paint crumples. "The chasm," Tobias grips the railing, resting against it. He eyes the initiates with the same stare he once gave me, "To your left the waters calmer, while to the right it reminds us of the rush of being Dauntless."

"The chasm reminds us of the fine line between idiocy and bravery." In the light from the glass building above and from being encompassed by grey rock, the water looks like the deep blue of Tobias' eyes, "Jumping off isn't an act of bravery but an act of stupidity. It's happened before, it'll happen again."

A flash of Al's blue lips and purple hands blur my vision, but we move on before I get too distracted. I haven't allowed myself to fall knees deep in thinking of Al. Out of the whole war, I could consider myself lucky I only lost Al.

The initiates murmur to one another and I notice Ella's eyes twitch with something I can't quite grasp; fear? Or maybe she's already thinking of ways to take out her fellow initiates. Tobias and I lead them towards the gaping hole in the wall, I kick stray stones from my path.

The doors to the cafeteria are open and the noise is louder than the cavern. Hundred of Dauntless overcrowd the room, yelling and cheering and drinking and laughing. The light is different in here, warmer. Uriah waves me over, a goofy grin on his face, "Find somewhere to sit," I order the initiates behind me.

I run between the tables, greeting and smiling at the Dauntless around the room. As I get to the table I see everyone's there; Uriah and Marlene, Shauna and Zeke, Will and Christina, and Lyn. I slide into my seat beside Chris, poking her in the ribs to get her attention from Will and onto me. "God Chris, if you don't stop gushing over Will I'll throw up."

Color rushes to her cheeks and I notice how pretty she is. Around Will, she seems to glow with happiness. I only wish Al was here to be with us.

I frown, noticing Tobias isn't here yet and look around the room. I peer over various colored hair, to see Tobias at the back of the room with Tori. Since she's become a leader, alongside Eric- who sadly survived his execution- Tobias and she have become exceedingly close. I part of me considers if she's persuading him to leave the control room and join her as a leader.

"Tris," Chris kicks me from under the table. I turn and everyone's staring at me with laughter in their eyes, "If you don't stop drooling over Four I will throw up."

"Shut up." I throw a piece of bread at her from her own plate. She catches it and throws it back. We burst into laughter.

Tobias slides into the seat in front of me, I can tell he's anxious as he bites his bottom lip. I nudge him under the table, beside us our friends are submerged in conversation. _You okay?_ I mouth, frowning.

He nods.

But I know he's not and he will tell me after.

"Guys," Zeke announces, he nods to the table on my right. A bundle of transfers shit together, the nervousness completely gone and excitement getting the better of them. Their smiles crease their eyes and even Dona, the curvaceous Candor who hadn't shown any emotion, grins. "This is going to be fun"

The transfers don't just stand out by the color of their clothes but by what they speak of. The two Erudite closest to me; Courtney and Mike, are knees deep in a conversation about the aptitude simulation and when I hear Jeanine's name come up I stop their conversation there, "If you even mention that name again or speak like your old faction, I will personally push you into the chasm." I speak through gritted teeth and get the attention of their whole table. They stare with slack faces, apart from Ella who grins into her glass.

Anger courses through me, just like her names does to me every time. "Do you understand?" I snarl, in a voice that sounds distant to me.

They nod, all wide-eyed. Mike, nods more vigorously than everyone else and I notice the tips of his dark hair are blonde. For a moment, I forget Jeanine and wonder if he's Divergent. Then I notice he looks like Uriah, his dark skin and dark eyes which swallow all light.

"I'm done hearing relentless bickering from you smart-asses. You're Dauntless now." I urn away, but keep my eyes trained on Mike from the corner of my eye.

I look to my friends, their faces almost as slack as the initiates. Will smacks me on the back, hard enough to push me forward in my seat. Uriah cheers and the rest of them laugh. But I hear what Ella says, "But she's Erudite too." I can feel the smugness in her voice, can see the uplifted corner of her lips.

Tobias hears her too. "What did you just say, initiate."

I turn my head to her and almost laugh at the challenging look in her eyes. The transfers around her look as still as blank slates. An Erudite beside her nudges her disapprovingly with her elbow. But Ella doesn't even blink.

I take a bottle from before me, the dark liquid swirling in the dim glass. I snip, staring at the side of Tobias' head, as he glares at the initiates, "I'd listen to your friend," I speak against the bottle, smirking slightly, "I will put you down."

In my peripheral vision, I see her open her mouth to retaliate but that's when the clanging begins.


	4. Chapter 4

"Listen up" Eric stands on the same table where he stood this time last year, the same piercings in his face shining against the light.

"How is he still a leader?" Lyn hisses from a few seats to my right, a nasty glint in her eyes. In the split second I look at her I notice a few tattoos inking its way from the whole of her right arm. An Amity tree sits just under her elbow, its roots merging into droplets of blood. She notices me staring and winks.

I turn back around, swallowing a mysterious lump in my throat. Eric's staring directly at me, "It's a new year. A new era of Dauntless." Just from those sentences alone he receives waves of cheers. We don't only welcome new initiates-"

No.

 _Shit._

"- We welcome a new leader!"

The room roars into chaos, cheering in unison. Tattooed fists punch the air, and an array of coloured hair blends against the black clothes. Heads whip around the room, eyes scanning the members around them in excitement.

Eric points to me.

All eyes are on me in seconds.

My hands shudder where they barely hold my bottle. I close my eyes, feeling all the people around looking. I feel my friend's eyes burn into my skull.

"Not what I was expecting." Lynn's voice burns in my ear.

I release a breath and push myself up. I hardly hear the cheers. I just stand up on the table and plaster a smile to my face.

An uncomfortable feeling builds in my veins.

Anger.

My face heats with rage but must look like a blush. I can faintly hear my teeth grit against one another, they could crumble like chalk. I drop the bottle, I see Will flinch away as it smashes against the concrete. The dark liquid looks lighter. I refuse to look at Tobias, I know he won't be happy I kept this from him. I was going to tell him- just not here. My nails dig into my palm, so tight tears spring into my eyes.

I realise Eric and I are on the same level. Not just on these tables but as leaders, and I will crush him. He is not controlling me like this anymore.

I grin, the shock pushing me into hysteric laughter. But my mind churns with ideas on how to throw Eric off his table.

"Tris.

"TRIS

"TR-IS

"TR-IS"  
My name echoes around the room, Dauntless celebrating as one. A rhythmic pattern on voices of all pitches and tone. I cheer with them, pumping my fist in the air.

"Tris," Eric interrupts, drawing everyone's attention, "will be training the new transfers this year, she'll be working alongside Tori and I as leaders and will be our representative towards our fellow factions. Now," he raises a metal pint, a smirk etching across his face, contorting the thin scars on his cheeks, "Let's celebrate."

I do as instructed, clamouring down from the table. I soak in the approval of Dauntless, images of tearing Eric to shreds playing through my mind.

I sit back in my seat, my joy sinks at Tobias' face. I go to tell him I'm sorry, but his deep eyes are so full of betrayal and confusion I stop short. I know the way he felt abut me working beside Eric, we've had arguments upon arguments on the issue. So, I never openly spoke about it.

"Looks like our little Stiff is climbing her way up the ranks." A instant pain shoots up my leg as Uriah's thick boots kicks me from under the table. Comparing his face to Tobias' is almost laughable; Uriah's face alight in triumph.

I attempt a smile, but it falters.

"Excuse me," A snarky glint glazes over Christina's eyes, "I think Tris was _my_ Stiff before she was any of yours."

"Are you kidding me?" Ella's screechy snarl makes my heart almost burst from my ribs. In sync my table turns to look at the initiates and I immediately know what we've done wrong. "You?" She barks a hideous laugh, my stomach churns, "A Stiff. Not surprising actually considering how pathetic you look."

Wills hand clamps around my shoulder and I realise I was about to throttle the girl with my bare hands. His long fingers dig into my collar bone, pulling me back to my seat. I shrug him off, a growl rumbling from my throat.

"Tris, come on." Chris implores.

I slam my hands upon the metal table, drinks spill into food and food falls from plates. The initiates startle but Ella sits with a smug smile of her contorted face. I can just imagine my fingernails dragging down her skin. I lean in close, enough to see fallen eyeliner beneath her eyes. "Just wait to see how pathetic I am when I kill you myself."


	5. Chapter 5

After dinner, Eric took the initiates back to the dorms and told me to celebrate.

So, I'm now sitting in the tattoo parlor, watching as Bud fiddles around with the needle. My back tingles with the chilled air, exposed so everyone can see my ribs which stick out too much to my liking. I was warned it'll hurt considering I don't have much skin where my spine is but who cares. It'll look good.

"How did Ella not know you were Abnegation? It seems she knows a lot about you anyway." Chris sits on the bench in front of me, flicking through a book of different ear piercing. I never knew there were so much.

My head rests on my arms and I'm straddling the chair, I just shrug, Ella being the last thing on my mind.

"Who cares," Marlene chirps, she stands before a screen, swiping left to reveal numerous tattoos of the Dauntless symbol, "she probably doesn't know much about you. She'll just know what most people do; you're Divergent and saved Chicago."

Bud comes up behind me, latex gloves covering his hands, and presses a pen to my back, outlining the tattoo. I'm getting it right down the center of my back, just where my spine is. "But how did she know your name?" This time it's Will asking the question, his brow creasing and a strand of blonde hair falling over his eyes.

"Guys," I mumble against my arm, "it was just announced I'm a leader and yet all you can talk about is a pathetic Candor." Rolling my eyes, I flinch as I hear the spitting of the needle.

Uriah appears from the back, beers in hand. "Let's get this night started." He tells, tipping his head back as though howling. Marlene practically prances to him, snatching a bottle from his hand, pressing a kiss to his cheek. He flushes a deep red which only happens around Marlene, "Stop staring at me like that." He says, embarrassed and hands beers all around but I shake my head no when he offers me.

"Like what?" I quirk an eyebrow and immediately feel bare. I remember I'm sitting in the middle of my circle of friends with no shirt or bra on.

"Like I'm a cute puppy or something."

"What's wrong with cute puppies?" I tease, watching him as he wraps his arms around Marlene's waist. She giggles, snuggling closer.

A hand wraps around my shoulder, "You ready?" I feel an uneasy chill course through my veins, I've only ever let Tori or Four willingly come near me with needles. I nod, biting my lip so hard I could end up drawing blood. I pinch my eyes shut, tight enough purple and white dance in the dark.

"Come on Tris. You almost drowned in your worst nightmare for crying out loud, you can handle this."

I can't see Marlene nudge Uriah but I can hear it, and the razor pain shoots down my spine as the needle connects to my skin. I groan, my fingernails digging into the leather chair. I feel each individual prick as Bud swirls and twists the needle.

Minutes drag on, I only open my eyes once or twice to check the time. Half an hour later, the pain which I had become accustomed to, stops.

"All done," Bud coats a soothing lotion across my back, a sigh parts my lips. I peel my eyes open. Chris and Will have moved to the screen at the back of the room while Uriah sits the chair beside me, a woman not much older than us, with a head full of blue hair and a tattoo of flowers across her neck, has a needle finishing off a tattoo just below his ribs. "Was it as bad as people say?" Bud asks, patting my shoulder, and begins packing away.

"I'm never getting a tattoo so close to a bone ever again," I mumble, the heels of my hands pressing into my eyes. Bud laughs and heads into the back, probably to get my shirt.

"Uriah's getting a muffin on his rib." Marlene perks, standing behind Uriah's chair, eyes on his chest. The picture of Uriah aiming a gun at the muffin atop Marlene's head those lifetimes ago. I remember how she snatched a piece of the fallen food from the floor, putting it in her mouth.

"Pansycake," Shauna laughs, rolling herself into the parlor, Zeke mere seconds behind. She glances at the small muffin beneath the layer of lotion. "You could have gotten anything. Yet you choose a muffin."

"Hey, don't poke fun." Uriah jokes, "And I thought Pansycake wasn't a Dauntless term."

"Shut up little bro," Zeke walks by, the muscles in his arms illuminated by the light as he ruffles his brother's hair. Receiving a loud slap on the stomach, wiping the air from his lungs.

"What did our little Trissy get?" Lyn drawls, sauntering behind me, her hands cold as she touches my back, peering close to the ink on my skin.

" _I am brave, selfless, smart, honest and kind?"_ Tobias speaks as he rounds the corner, hands stuffed into his pockets. I try to read the expression on his face but it's blank. I realize I hate this side of him. "I bet you that's what she got."

Lynn moans, pushing back, stinging my skin. "Of course, _you'd_ know, you're obsessed with one another. You can practically read her mind."

Tobias strides beside me, his fingers light as he races my back, keeping clear of the tender skin. He's close enough I feel his breath on my neck, I look up at him, my neck craning. He doesn't look back.

Bud walks back in, t-shirt in tow. "Anyone for ink?" He asks, quirking a newly pierced brow.

"I'd like to become fully clothed instead of half," I state, keeping pressed against the chair. He laughs, a deep rumble and begins to cover my tattoo with a bandage.

Tobias' hand leaves, a cold patch where it once was. He snatches a book off a shelf, scanning through dozens of tattoo ideas.

"There we go." Chris hands me my shirt, a wicked grin on her face.

"No," I say, laughing, "I'd appreciate it if you make sure no one sees me naked."

"I wouldn't mind." Shauna rolls her wheelchair over Zeke's foot, he winces, " I'm joking."

"You guys ready to go?" Lyn asks, a yawn thickening her voice. Dark eyeliner's smudged beneath her eyes, she'd clearly forgotten about it as she rubbed her eyes.

I give Chris a pointed look. She stands over me ask I slip a shirt on, one Chris lent me, tight enough I don't need a bra. My arms ache from sitting still for so long.

I thank Bud as we leave, and give the other artist- Liv- a wave. Marlene slips from Uriah's arm to slip hers around mine. "You wanna go get drinks?" Her eyes glint mischievously, nudging me in a way to tell me to say yes. I look over at Tobias who's helping Zeke wheel Shauna down the Pit steps.

He catches my eye, his smile faltering. I look back at Marlene, "I think I'm just going to head back to the apartment."

"Whatever," Uriah calls, barging between me and Marlene, dragging her along with him, "You're such a Pansycake." Throwing Marlene over his shoulder, they submerge themselves in the crowd of Dauntless in the Pit. I head but to the apartment, waving goodbye and feeling sleep lull me to his darkness.


	6. Chapter 6

"I am proud of you Tris, but you know how much I hate Eric." Tobias spits his name out like poison, un unwanted word in the world.

We'd arrived at his apartment no less than five minutes ago. A dense layer of silence like a brick wall between us. He led the way and I'd hung back, hands shoveled in my pockets.

People had run by, alcohol slurring their words as they'd slap my back, congratulating me. I smiled weakly, whispering appreciations under my breath. Only once did Tobias look back at me, his face so shadowed I only saw his tightened lips.

I looked away.

"Tori told me there was a place for Dauntless representative. I said no but she just kept asking and asking. I was going to tell you, but Eric beat me to it." I sound as though I'm pleading with him like I'm begging him to believe me.

Tobias walks out the bathroom, towel wrapped around his hips, Dauntless flames snaking up his ribs. My hands are layered with sweat and I wipe them down my thighs, a habit stained in my brain. He looks down at me, obviously not knowing what to say.

"I was planning on telling you on Capture the Flag night," I slide off the bed, remembering the night when we climbed up the Farris wheel, his hand gripping the part of my back where a slice of skin shows above my jeans. I take one of his hands in mine and rub circles with my thumb.

"I wanted you and me to be on the same team. I wanted to take you up the Farris wheel and tell you." Looking up at him now, I see the man I fell in love with; a light layer of stubble sits on his jaw, hair long enough it spills over his forehead, shadowing the midnight color of his eyes. A smile plays at the corner of his lips.

"What if," I offer, worming my hands along his arms, feeling the solid muscle beneath, "we forget about leadership. Initiates. Eric. _Everything_. And tonight, just be about you and me." I wrap my hands around his neck, tugging him closer. I feel his Adams Apple contract beneath my touch. I grin as he allows himself to melt into my touch. "In bed..."

He pushes his lips to mine, forcefully at first but thawing into a soft caress of lips. His hands cup the small of my back, massaging them under my t-shirt. I feel the calluses on his hands scrape my skin, drawing me close so our bodies are combined.

I drag my tongue along his bottom lip and a moan slips past him. I tug my hands through his hair which is wet from the shower. His hands scoop under me, forcing my legs to wrap around his pelvis. His feet begin moving towards the bed, taking me with him.

So lightly, as though I'm porcelain, he places me down on the bed. Structuring his hands beside my head, pressing his lips down to mine. I slip my hands under the top of the towel, unraveling it to reveal all of him.

He breaks from my mouth, tracing along my neck, my jaw, then my collarbone. His tongue outlines the three ravens and I lean into it.

"I love you." The words are so light and tangled in-between his lips I can barely hear them. Cupping his face in my hands and feel the quickening of his breath against my fingers, his eyes meet mine.

"I love you."


	7. Chapter 7

I wake up to an empty bed, mattress still indented in the space where Tobias slept with his arms enclosed around me. I slide my fingers along the still-warm fabric and draw circles with my fingertips, smiling softly in the weak morning light. Breathing in the scent of freshly brewed coffee I sigh against the pillow with thoughts of the day spinning through my mind.

I glance up at the clock by the bed, red numbers glowing _06:03._ I roll over, pulling the blanket over my shoulder, so I'm facing the door to the kitchen where a strong ray of light pours over the threshold. I cringe as the brightness hurts my eyes, rubbing them with the heels of my hands.

A soft knock comes from the door and I look up, Tobias peering down at me, two mugs in his hands, both billowing tendrils of steam. His hair's a disheveled halo around his face, carving out the angles of his cheekbones. "You ready to go?" He comes and sits on the edge of the bed, bending the mattress to a slight angle and setting the coffees down on the bedside table.

"Mhm," I nod, snuggling my face deeper into the pillow. My drag my hand along the mattress, playing with the denim of his jeans. My eyes don't leave his thigh, fingers fiddling with the material.

Tobias' hand gathers mine, still hot from the coffee. He plays with my fingers like he always does, nursing each one at a time. Looking up, I watch as he lifts our joined hands, placing a delicate kiss on each of my knuckles. Memories from last night linger on my lips, the faint traces of his on mine makes a smile unfold across my face.

"I'll give you another five minutes," He unlocks his hands from mine, leaving an empty space between my palms. As he goes to pick up his mug I move in one swift movement and pull him back onto the bed.

His laugh makes my heart flutter as he practically collapses above me. His arms scoop me up and flip me on top of him. My hands plant themselves on either side of his head, our faces close enough I smell the coffee weakly on his breath. His fingers trace along my jaw, so lightly they brush like a feather and tuck my hair behind my ear.

Tobias stares up at me, the morning light brightening the blue hue of his eyes. A calmness settles around us, bending through the minimal space between our bodies. Thunderous feet echo down the hall, loud enough to be heard through the walls of our apartment. A minor noise parts my lips, a sound of annoyance and laughter at the disturbance, but he seems completely oblivious to it, staring intently at my face.

His stare almost reminds me of the day I nearly killed him, when he nearly killed me. The day when he was under simulation, completely set on one target. But this time the corners of his mouth are relaxed, eyes slightly uplifted.

My face blushes deeply and I chew on my bottom lip. I notice the way the shadows of his eyelashes bend across his cheeks. His thumb slips over my chin, gliding along my lips and moving back and forth. In the moment I feel the whole world slip away, nothing important except him and I. His other hand slips up my side, snaking under my tank top, his palm warm against my cool skin.

He sighs with annoyance, breaking my gaze and looking sidelong at the clock. His hair ruffles against the pillow as he looks back up at me, "Now we've really got to go."

"Great; the first day of many with the arrogant red-head." Sarcasm twists my words and I bring one of my hands up to cup his cheek. Beneath my hand, his stubble rubs against my palm as he leans into my touch.

Tilting down I trace my lips delicately down his neck, drops of water still lay on his skin from the shower. He moans my name against my neck, a hot rush of breath tingling my nerves. He curls his fingers through my hair as I bring my lips up to his ear, nibbling lightly on his lobe.

"Is there enough hot water for a shower?" I whisper, feeling his laugh vibrate through his body against mine.

"Enough for me to go in with you." Tobias' eyes twinkle with mischief, his lips change into a playful smile, crunching the corners of his eyes. In the second I don't believe he's been through all he has, I see the liveliness hidden behind the cold Dauntless mask.

"Don't get ahead of yourself, Stiff." I push myself up so I'm sitting just above his pelvis, staring down at him. His hands drag down from my hair to my hips and I collect them in mine. Just as he did before, I kiss each of his fingers, soaking in the calmness of the moment.

I hop off the bed whilst keeping my eyes focused on his body carved into the mattress. The sun streams across him like waves of an ocean as I back into the bathroom. He stares back at me with words dancing at the tip of his tongue, noticeable by the way his mouth curlsaninto a 'O' shape.

I close the bathroom door, leaving the special moments with Tobias in a corner of my mind, allowing the cold demeanour to slip over me, contorting my face and changing me into the woman the initiates will soon learn to fear.


End file.
